Rhonda and Jason

Rhonda and Jason
Our Wedding Day

Wednesday, April 4, 2012

A Week To Go!

One week to go, appointment today, all clear still!  Rhonda and I had our next to last appointment today and all is still a go for next week.  We didn't talk about it much, but I think we both were pretty anxious that they would have us stay today.  Esther performed beautifully for her non-stress test and looked good on ultrasound (Dr. Jolly commenting on her chubby cheeks!).  It has been awhile since I have made any posts and life has been fairly ordinary.  I praise God for how He has protected us during the pregnancy and allowed us to continue the day to day.  Honestly speaking, I have struggled off and on this past couple weeks with fear.  Fear of what we know and don't know.  I only have one experience to relate this to, and it happens to be one that everyone has or will experience in time, unless they are the subject of it.  I am talking about the loss of a loved one.  When I lost my eldest brother, fear was an everyday thing.  Not ordinary fears like that of dying, being hurt physically and emotionally or failure ( those fears evaporate in the hollowness of such pain) but of reality.  The constant and unavoidable fear that the reality of our grief, loss, pain and suffering is never going away and is as real as breathing.  So we are reminded in every waking moment that it is REAL.  Thankfully, I have experienced this and know that in such a time, Christ is nearer an realer than any other.  When the only meaning your life holds is grief and loss, the distractions are gone and God IS HERE!  So, recently I have felt fear.  Fear that I might have to endure loss again.  The only difference; I KNOW MY GOD IS HERE!  Not just a comfort to me, my child and my bride, but to all who call upon His name.  The Lord is always HERE, we simply need to call His name.  So my recent fear has been replaced with anxious, and joyful anticipation.  I already LOVE my darling baby girl and can't wait to meet her.
We are absolutely amazed at what our family, friends and even relative strangers have offered, given and sacrificed.  Esther's birth will likely be the most trying time of our lives.  I pray we will put our trust in  Christ.  I ask that you would pray for God to give us strength to be in the moment, stand by Esther's side, and be the parents Christ has chosen us to be.
Please grant us grace in this time.  We definitely don't know all the answers and can only guess at what is best.  We are likely to make mistakes, and likely have and will make questionable decisions.  We love and care for all who have sacrificed time, resources, family, work, and self to support Esther and us as well.  It has been extremely hard for Rhonda and I to learn how to accept help.  We both work and live to serve others, are independent and have lived this way for our entire lives.  So having to be humble and accept help has been a new experience.  That said, we are humbled by the goodness God has inspired in so many.  Thank you is completely inadequate.
But......we have a long way to go!
I think what I am trying to say is sorry in advance for any short sightedness.  God has given us all free will.  All we hope is that we will consider Him before we "move", and try to consider others and God's will when we do.
So, like my thoughts, this post has rambled and even been slightly schizophrenic.  That is where we are at.  The new NORMAL for us.  I assume a large portion of our feelings greatly resembles that of any expecting parent, and I actually find some reassurance and peace in that.  I better stop there.  There will likely be a greatly increased frequency in posts from here on out.  I pray Lord Jesus for a closer, deeper, more personal relationship with You for each and every person who reads this post.
Hope you all bring your troubles to the Lord in prayer and remember to pray for Esther when you do.
May the Lord bless you, and keep you.
May His face shine upon you, and be gracious to you.
May He lift up His countenance upon you and bring you Peace.

No comments:

Post a Comment