We are in a very difficult and challenging situation. Nothing we "do" can have any effect toward the eventual outcome. Helpless, in other words.
I see it everyday I go to work. Proud, strong, intelligent, independent people whose health has stolen their freedom to effect change. Their independence is stripped of them.
The range of emotions associated with this kind of event are anywhere from denial to ferocious anger.
Hard to put yourself in their shoes, but when you find yourself there it is a horrible reality.
The point I am getting at is, we all take our lives for granted. We assume we will wake up tomorrow, go to a job, decide what to eat for dinner, figure out how to entertain ourselves before we go to bed.
I look at Esther and fear that at any moment this could turn and there is nothing I can do about it. Nothing , that is except have faith and trust in the God of the universe that His ways are good.
This isn't something we can just do and its done. If that were the case, we would become reliant upon ourselves. I am finding in this that my expectations and desires can get in the way of "right now". Right now, God wants me to be thankful. Right now, God's grace is enough. I know I am becoming a little repetitious with this blog, but it just goes to show how we fall back into the same traps and need to renew our commitment to follow God's will.
We have been fortunate to have my grandparents (mom's parents and dad's mom) come visit Esther. What a great moment God has given us.
In general, Esther is stable. She has had episodes of restlessness, fighting the medication. Straining to open her eyes and wiggling her body. It is adorable, but counterproductive as she can cause the machines to cut out and her blood pressure trends up.
ECMO is dicey and there are lots of ups and downs. There is a small new bleed in her brain, but was stable without any new growth this morning. The ECMO circuit has lasted and at this hour it seems may make it thru till tomorrow.
We are amazed at how Esther has impacted and touched lives. The prayer generated on her behalf is astounding. God is being glorified! My precious Esther is impacting lives for the kingdom of God!
Well my brain is wiped and starting to wander, so please continue to pray. He hears you.
So when I get down help me to remember: