leaning

Waiting for the word from our nurse that they have finished changing Esther's ECMO circuit.  It looked as thought this one might last until surgery, but the ECMO nurse was getting more concerned today when numbers weren't adding up.  When the machine/circuit gets built up with fibrin(the stuff of clots or framework) it will continue to operate but "chews up" blood cells in the process.  This is common and they routinely give a lot of blood products to account for this, but today these blood products weren't making it through the system and having the impact they need to.  Thus the need for change.  

These changes are very stressful on Esther as she is not supported during the exchange and last time did not tolerate it well.  Also, it has been the time when her brain bleeds have progressed.  

So we have been in prayer.  Listened to some worship music and met with the Lord.  Some tears were shed, not necessarily for fear or sadness, but mostly in awe.

We know this life is not our reward.  This life is as hard as it gets.  Knowing that can actually enforce feelings of inadequacy.  I have never felt persecution for my faith.  I haven't had to risk my life to talk about Jesus.  I have only had to live a life that most of us all live.  Trials that are not unique or hardship that is uncommon.  I have every reason to be thankful, and I am.  I have not had to endure any hardship or trial without the comfort and protection of Jesus Christ and His Holy Spirit within me.  I don't deserve this and have paid nothing in advance to receive.  We just keep leaning into Him and hope you do the same.

Deuteronomy 33:27 "The eternal God is thy refuge, and underneath are the everlasting arms"

Will update you all on how the circuit change went when we find out.