CONVICTION

It seems like time is slipping away.  Haven't posted in quite a while, and I apologize.  Rhonda and I had planned from the start to attempt to use this post to glorify God and help witness to others how He is leading us through a difficult time.  I have recently found that I hadn't been doing that, and have actually been filling my time with projects and tasks to avoid having to face things.  It is completely out of character for me and was very depressing to discover.
For those who know me, it is probably hard to picture me without downtime.  I have spent my life with more than a little "me time", sitting on the couch, pondering, thinking or just plain spacing out.  So last night when I realized that it had probably been weeks or longer since I simply did nothing, it hit me.  I was avoiding the confrontation of mine, Esther, and Rhonda's situation.  Not all to rare in these circumstances, but definitely out of character for me.

So, today you hear from me again.  In my absence we have had several small struggles, joys, triumphs, and have transformed a little from the extremely faithful servants we started as.  I don't necessarily think we are questioning God, or have lost faith.  We have simply grown closer to the "scary time" when we will be "in it" for the long haul.  Appointments have gone great to God's glory.  We learned, as Rhonda posted, that Esther's foot was no longer clubbed (amazing!), she is growing and developing as expected, and moves like crazy in her Mama's tummy.  For a first time daddy that just lights me up.  I can only imagine what's going on in there.

Last appointment, this last Wednesday, could almost be described as routine (again, it is amazing when anything seems routine or there is no news).  University of Washington doesn't need to see us for 5 weeks when we will be setting a date for induction of labor.  We met Dr. Cheng, and were instantly put at ease.  We had been hearing about her since our first appointment and were not let down.  She is the head of the department and will likely be delivering Esther.  She is simply, naturally comforting.

In the meantime, life goes on.  We have had a few repeating spiritual struggles and continue to pray through them.  There is lots to do, but I have found conviction to be a very big comfort and am allowing the Lord to lead me as I lead my family.  We would like to thank all those who are following our little epic.  Thank you for thinking of us, praying for us, sending us your encouraging words and blessings.    For understanding, forgiveness, hope, strength, and most importantly, FAITH.  It is actually noticeable in tougher times I have found and don't believe that is a fluke. 

Due to the emotion and conviction of the last couple of days I just wanted to share a personal experience from my family.  As those who know me know, I lost my eldest brother 9years ago in a car accident.  Through that experience and the pain, grief, loss, chaos that it brought, I found just how close God comes in our hour of need.  I have been a christian since my youth.  My walk has not always reflected that and I even told God at one point "I got it covered.  I know what you want and command of me, but I think I can show you another way."  When my brother went to be with Christ, I was at a point where I knew I didn't "have it covered".  During the days and months that followed, God not only sustained me, He gave me hope in hopelessness, peace in chaos, and oddly "We", Rhonda and I, can maintain faith and assurance when our situation doesn't grant it.  When we are at our lowest, most empty times is when God is most "real" or present.  You can actually feel, see, hear and know Him.
We need God!

So, as Rhonda's coach who has been through this very same trial with his 13 year old son said, I am excited for you.  In our struggles we get to be more intimate with God than any other time.  I am terrified of our near future, but I am excited to see God.  To hear from Him, feel Him holding us when we are ready to give up and feel His peace in our chaos.

I hope my rambling gives a little insight and understanding into our situation, and can be useful or helpful for your own situations.  Don't be afraid to ask God to come into your struggle.  There is nothing you have done or could do that He would avoid you for.  He literally loves you no matter what.