Rhonda and Jason

Rhonda and Jason
Our Wedding Day

Friday, April 12, 2013

Happy Birthday

I woke up trying to imagine what today would have looked like had May 2, 2012 not played out the way it did.  I don't do that; I don't dwell and struggle with "what if's" and "couda, shoulda, woulda's".  I feel I've got quite an imagination, but I can't imagine what Esther would look like.  That stings a bit, makes me feel a little less or maybe just realize more who's missing today.  I thought about how it would be to sing happy birthday to Esther.  It is odd, because those attempts to imagine just don't fit; strange that make believe doesn't fit.  The truth is my girl has gone where I long to be.  Happy birthday would definitely be out of place with heaven all around and our savior Jesus there with you.  It brought me back to her bedside at children's hospital.  Alleluia, alleluia for the Lord God almighty reigns!  I sang to my sweet girl, and we praised Him together.  Yes I do miss her so.  Holding hands, gazing into her eyes, singing sweet songs to God.  Papa and daughter; a perfect match made by the one and only perfect One.
Today is the day, that one year ago my first daughter was born.  I stood by my bride and watched her push with everything she had to bear Esther into this broken world; an imperfect world with defect and death.  Esther cried, two small squeaks!  Hope had been born!  I prayed.  I cried.  I worshipped and begged the creator of all to give us moments with this beautiful child.  With each moment of new life, hope grew.  I lost all ability to form thoughtful prayer and only cried Abba Father.
Today I am still Esther's papa, but God is Father of us all.  God is my papa who sings to me, holds my hand and lifts me up.  Dear God, give me the strength to live for you and no one else.  For His glory, is the infinitely powerful name of His son Jesus I pray,

We'd be eating farmhouse pancakes with you today sweet girl!!!!
Lyrics to the Song "Pilot Me" By Josh Garrels

Pilot Me 

I will arise and follow you over 
Savior please, pilot me 

Over the waves and through every sorrow 
Savior please, pilot me 

When I have no more strength left to follow 
Fall on my knees, pilot me 

May your sun rise and lead me on 
Over the sea’s, savior pilot me 

O’ Lord


  1. Hugs to both of you today. Having been where you are I can so identify. Hugs as you celebrate your sweet little girl.

  2. Have been missing updates on your new little one and how everyone is doing. Photos would be fun too! I would love an update soon. :-)